he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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