And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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