I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
