I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
