i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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