As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
