Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she peed on how many people?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
