Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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