Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
