I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
