Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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