giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
