trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
