Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
