This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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