She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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