Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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