yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
