don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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