At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
