Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
