so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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