careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
