I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
