You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know her cup size but not her name....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
