My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
