yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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