If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
