Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
