If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
