Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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