Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
