sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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