my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
