Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
