that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
