I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
