it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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