booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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