I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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