dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
