Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
