I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
