Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
