nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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