We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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