Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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