I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
