omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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