If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
