dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
