It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
