he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
